Always on my mind

I have something to share with you.
I am not sure that you will like what I have to say, but I know deep in your heart you will understand.
Please do not be upset, that is not my intention.

As I hold your face in my hands and kiss your cheek, I feel the emptiness roaming through your body, where once a bright raging fire lived inside this great man, Gradually, burning itself out only to leave the shouldering ashes in a vision before me.
I look into your big bright blue eyes set in a paper thin face so fragile I don’t want you to smile in case I cry and that would make you sad.

I continue to endlessly search inside that face that once bought me into this world for a sign that my Dad still remembers the women standing before him who still adores him to this day.
That is the beauty of a Father and Daughter relationship.
Imagine, just for a moment, it’s a warm summer’s day.
You start to relax and become very, very still.
Just then, before you close your eyes, you notice the most beautiful Golden Butterfly you have ever seen, hovering and then it lands on the back of your hand.
It takes your breath away to the point and you dare not breathe.
Look through the window of the dementia moments that will captivate you if you watch carefully.
I watch you for what seems ages searching for the information that has always been so readily available to life’s questions, becoming further and further out of reach.
So, I kiss you again and tell you I love you Dad just to reassure you that I will take care of you the best I can as you have I.
I pinch myself to be mindful as one day these wonderful moments will come to an end for ever!

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